So, your long awaited tyres have finally turned up from distant shores and whilst described NOS and there is no denying that they are NOS, there is definitely an emphasis on the OS and i’m not thinking old stock either............ Still, all may not be lost? Crack open a bevvy, wait till the misses has gone out, raid the cupboard under the sink and give it some......
(It is essential to understand that this process will not be successful unless you use every bathroom in the house at least once, empty the hot water tank on bath night for the kids, ruin two scrubbing brushes, one green sponge, two paint brushes, one of the kids blankets and then make the discovery that Autoglym rubber care turns any flat surface into an ice rink........ this includes her precious stone craft shower tray)
Step one: As they came........ Don’t put them through the dish washer, the salt combined with the high heat will dry them out even more.
Step 2: Fill bath with hot water straight from the tank and leave to soften for 30 minutes.
Step 3: Remove from hot water and mount on any old wheel you have knocking around (see my other threads on how to collect an assortment of hubless black tuff 2s.....) Whilst they are still warm and soft inflate to around 15 psi or just enough for them to take the correct shape. Remember, now they are full of air they will float........ I didn’t and had to do this again hence the bin full of water balanced on top to hold them down.
Step 4: Again, while still warm fully inflate (I wouldn’t recommend going for 80psi...... just enough for them to take the correct shape fully – not an issue for me as I have no intention of riding them.) Transfer to a bathroom of your choice for the next stage. I recommend one that is predominantly white and has recently been cleaned.
Step 5: Take Fairy liquid, any shower gel, shampoo etc that you can find and scrub the buggery out of them. Don’t fanny about – they can stand it, they’re tyres for gods sake.
Shortly after completing this you will be reliably informed that that nice smelling purple shower gel was “£18.00.” Respond to this by launching into a Monty Pythonesque tirade about how you were so poor when you were growing up you had to use washing up liquid instead of shampoo and it serves her bloody right for spending £18.00 on shower gel anyway. (later she will point out that you bought it as part of a gift set – retire to garage briefly to regroup.)
Stage 6: Admire your handy work so far. Put bathmats that are now covered in black soapy crap in the bottom of the washing basket and cover well with your white work shirts. Bask in your own glory so much that you manage to completely overlook the state of the grout in the new shower. Promise wife a new ensuite next year.
Stage 7: Optional this bit, but does help to keep them soft IMO. Cover tyres with Autoglym rubber care, or similar. Do not do this on white Panaracers as the Autoglym has a cream colour to it which you will then have to scrub off....... If you do go on to mount tyres on a rider for pity sake give them a bloody good clean first as they will be slippy.
Stage 8: Leave over night for Autoglym stuff to soak well in. If your tyres are slicks you can just buff off the excess Autoglym and you should get a matt finish, rather than a just from the Lithuanian carwash on the corner shine. If treaded like comp 3 or similar just give them a light wash off with soapy water and a big paint brush to get into the treads and its usually enough to tone things down a touch.....
Stage 9: Place in misses pride and joy spa bath thingy that never even gets bloody used and take comparison shots for RAD.
Stand back, admire your handywork, then realise that unless you have plans on a vintage unicycle build you have to now do it all again.
Next week, smell the fear and panic as you attempt to bleach a rather saucy set of white Panaracer Freestyle tyres and halfway through notice the tan walls have gone a lovely milky colour..........
